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The 14 Days After Q&A: How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?


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My girlfriend of seven months recently told me that she cheated on her last boyfriend twice with the female I thought was just her friend. She’s assured me that that’s a thing of the past, but she talks to and texts her best friend all the time. How do I cope with the feeling that there’s more than meets the eye?

Big Boom: There are 3 things you could do: 1. Have a three-some. 2. Be a fool. 3. End the relationship because you will never trust her.

Tanya White:
I respect the fact that she confided her inappropriate behavior. You must trust your mate. She has done something specifically in the relationship which has made you doubt her trust then you two need to discuss it.  If you can not trust her then you are not going to have a healthy or fulfilling relationship.

Dedan Tolbert: With any relationship, there needs to be a certain level of trust. You can’t be with someone when you can’t be 100% sure what they’re telling you is the truth. In this situation, I would ask her one final time if her cheating ways are behind her. When she tells you that they are…leave it at that.

If down the line certain behavior raises red flags, you need confront her about it and come to a mutually beneficial resolution. If that’s not possible, then you have to ask yourself if that’s a situation you want to remain a part of.

Cassandra Washington: Trust is a big component of a lasting relationship. If there is no trust, there is no relationship, simple and plain. Before you allow your paranoia to get the best of you, simply have a discussion with your mate and express how you are feeling a bit unsure about the current situation.

Telling her to remove her best friend from her life is not an option . If this “best friend” is a lover as well, former or current, then it might not be that unreasonable. If she has anything to say about it, ask her to put the shoe on the other foot and see how she would feel then.

In any case, intuition is a gift given to you to protect your heart. When it starts knocking at your door, you better answer.

Sun 02-15-09 Do you have to be a freak to enjoy great sex?

Mon 02-16-09 Is sex overrated?

Tue 02-17-09 When should men draw the line in role playing?

Wed 02-18-09 Why do men really cheat?

Thu 02-19-09 Why do I date the same people over and over?

Fri 02-20-09 Why are men challenged by their perineal G-spot?

Sat 02-21-09 Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

Sun 02-22-09 How do I tell my husband I’m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

Mon 02-23-09 Would more racial boundaries break if more people dated interacially?

Tue 02-24-09 How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

Wed 02-25-09 How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?

Fri 02-27-09 I fell in love with my best friend’s wife. What should I do?

Sat 02-28-09 Each author gets a special question just for him or her.

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The 14 Days After Q&A: Would racial boundaries break if we had more interracial dating and interracial marriages?


The 14 Days After QnA Banner

Do you think more racial boundaries would break if more people were to date or marry interracially?

Tanya White: Yes, I believe that. The more diversity we see amongst marriages, communities and churches, then the more racial boundaries would diminish.

Dedan Tolbert: I think that many racial boundaries would be broken if people were more comfortable dating outside their race. I believe that men and women are more than justified in dating people of other races. No one should be put down or called derogatory terms like “sell out” for the choices they make when it comes to finding a mate. True love is hard enough to find without putting all types of stipulations on it.

When I see beautiful black women with white men, it doesn’t bother me at all especially if they look happy. I’m not going to hate on that white man. In fact, I’m going to give him props because he must be doing his thing to keep a beautiful black sister like that. If anything, seeing something like that would only motivate me to continue doing my thing and maybe even step my game up.

Cassandra Washington: Absolutely not. There are a lot of people dating and marrying interracially right now, and race is still an issue. As long as we are on this green earth, race will unfortunately be the elephant in the room because of the global society we live in. It’s a vicious cycle.

We have made waves and strides, but the struggle still continues. The problem just isn’t interracial. It’s within races as well. Light skin versus Dark skin, the issue is still here. It’s going to take a lot of effort for it to go away. Bottom line, people should love who they want to love and be with who they want to be with, regardless of race.

Big Boom: No, it could make it worst because some people can never get past the thought. However, interracial friends can actually help break the boundaries.

Sun 02-15-09 Do you have to be a freak to enjoy great sex?

Mon 02-16-09 Is sex overrated?

Tue 02-17-09 When should men draw the line in role playing?

Wed 02-18-09 Why do men really cheat?

Thu 02-19-09 Why do I date the same people over and over?

Fri 02-20-09 Why are men challenged by their perineal G-spot?

Sat 02-21-09 Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

Sun 02-22-09 How do I tell my husband I’m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

Mon 02-23-09 Would more racial boundaries break if more people dated interacially?

Tue 02-24-09 How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

Wed 02-25-09 How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?

Fri 02-27-09 I fell in love with my best friend’s wife. What should I do?

Sat 02-28-09 Each author gets a special question just for him or her.

This Post is Sponsored by:

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5 Minutes, 5 Questions With… Patricia Neely-Dorsey, author of Reflections of a Mississippi Magnolia

JoeyPinkney.com Exclusive Interview
5 Minutes, 5 Questions With…
Patricia Neely-Dorsey, author of Reflections of a Mississippi Magnolia
(GrantHouse Publishers)


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Joey Pinkney: Where did you get the idea and inspiration to write Reflections of a Mississippi Magnolia?

Patricia Neely-Dorsey: I didn’t really intentionally try to come up with an idea for a book or intentionally try to write a book. It all sort of just fell/landed in my lap. I woke up on Valentine’s Day February 2007 with a poem dancing around in my head. I quickly got up and scribbled it down. The rest, as they say, is history. After that day, poems just started pouring out. They just keep coming and coming day after day. In about two months, I had well over 200 poems. A friend of mine was very instrumental, and I guess you would say inspirational in encouraging me to publish them in book form.

JP: What sets Reflections of a Mississippi Magnolia apart from other collections of poetry?

PND: I think that all poetry is very unique and individual like a fingerprint because of where it comes from. Reflections of a Mississippi Magnolia is a collection that essentially chronicles my whole life up until this present time. The book includes poems about things that happened to my parents before I was born, my early childhood growing up in Mississippi, my college years in Boston, meeting my husband on a blind date, love, marriage, my son, and thoughts about mid-life…where I am now ( the Fabulous Forties). Specifically, it is my life in poems. Generally, it is a true celebration of the south and things southern. One reader called it a “love letter to the South”

JP: As an author, what are the keys to your success that lead to Reflections of a Mississippi Magnolia getting out to the public?

PND: I always rely on what I call Patricia’s P-Attitudes: Positivity – staying positive, believing in the dream, believing in myself and the book. Perseverance – never giving up. Persistence – being relentless and never taking no as a final answer. The forth one which was something I have had to really work on and learn is Patience, but it pays off in the end. The answer or outcome that you seek may take a minute! You just have to hold on. These P-Attitudes translate, of course, to every area of life.

JP: As an author, what is your writing process? How long did it take for you to start and finish Reflections of a Mississippi Magnolia?

PND: That’s funny. I don’t really have a process. I just write the poems down as they come. That can be at any time and any place (very often in my car). The entire process from writing my first poem (Feb 2007) to the actual publication of the book (Feb 2008) took exactly one year. The actual publication process which included the submission of the poems, editing, proofing, cover design, and all that took less than two months. The poems was submitted the first week of January 2008 , all of the appropriate changes and additions were done and the book arrived at my door February 22, 2008

JP: What’s next for Patricia Neely-Dorsey?

PND: To infinity and beyond! (LOL) Well, I’m hoping that this book will have widespread, mass appeal and be wonderfully successful. I have enough poems for several books, so those are certainly down the line. My publisher would like for me to do an illustrated children’s book with age-appropriate selections from Reflections of a Mississippi Magnolia. That is definitely a possibility in the near future.

www.myspace.com/patricianeelydorsey

http://www.patricianeelydorsey.webs.com/

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P.S.S. If you want to be feature in a 5 Minutes, 5 Questions With… series, email me at joey.pinkney@gmail.com or http://myspace.com/joeyreviews

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