JoeyPinkney.com Exclusive Interview
5 Minutes, 5 Questions With…
Jodi Ambrose, author of Sex: How to Get More of It
(In Your Face Publishing)
Sex: How to Get More of It is a fast-paced, witty guide for men on how to achieve romantic bliss with the women in their lives. The book takes a no-holds-barred approach to understanding women so that men learn why we act/react the way we do and how they can “work it” to get what they want most: more sex and a happy mate.
This is going to sound bad, I know, but the book coaches men to lie when appropriate and scheme a bit, but it also gives them tools on how to be kind and loving without breaking the bank.
Wouldn’t you love to watch football without interruption? To not be nagged to death? To play video games without being hammered at? To get more and better sex? Learning how to make that happen is what the book is all about.
Ultimately, we all want to be happy. It can sometimes be easy to fall into everyday ho-hums in a relationship, and that’s when we start forgetting to do the things that made us and our significant others happy in the first place. Sex: How to Get More of It is a kick in the pants for all the men out there so that they know EXACTLY what to do to have a joyful home.
Joey Pinkney: Where did you get the inspiration to write Sex: How to Get More of It?
Jodi Ambrose: I’ve always been fascinated by human behavior and shocked sometimes by how senselessly people cause one another pain. It always seemed to me that people made life so much more difficult than necessary. Pride, game-playing, abject stupidity, thoughtlessness…all of these things combine to turn good people into lousy mates. So, I paid attention. I tracked what types of behavior and language could produce a genuine smile or a rolled eye or a shed tear. What I noticed was that in most cases, people responded to stimuli in the same way. There are always going to be exceptions, but if the rule holds true 8 out of 10 times, then I thought I could put a check mark next to it.
For example (and this is so very obvious to women and yet somehow not so much to a lot of men), if a husband/boyfriend/lover checks out another girl while he is with his significant other, at least 8 out of 10 times the girl gets angry. She may not say anything, but I’d see her eye twitch uncontrollably, or a grimace fly briefly across her mouth, and I’d know she was at a minimum annoyed, at a maximum livid. I’d immediately think several things:
- Poor girl.
- Why would he do that? Is he mentally challenged?
- JERK! (Oh, I already said that one.)
- How does he not know that is bad behavior? Someone should tell him.
So, I decided to be the one to tell him! And that’s exactly what I’ve done in my book, Sex: How to Get More of It (A guy’s roadmap to paradise in and out of the bedroom). I thought it was about time that someone just laid it on the line for the men out there. What can you do or not do to bring your woman joy? What can you do so that both you and your woman are happy and getting what you need? This book gives you those answers.
JP: What sets Sex: How to Get More of It apart from other books in the same genre?
JA: Something I’ve been blessed with is great reviews from both men and women. While I wrote the book for guys, I’ve gotten incredible feedback from women too. What I’m told most often is that both genders appreciate that the book is so down to earth. No lofty ideals, no BS, no “YOU BETTER DO THIS OR ELSE!” preaching. It’s written by a real person for real people.
Yeah, it can be a bit sarcastic at times; I don’t pull any punches, but it’s funny and also very much from the heart. I think that too comes across loud and clear.
Something else that just tickles me pink is that men constantly tell me how happy they are that it is short. It’s not 400 pages of being told how they suck as a mate. It’s 30 pages of what they can do to be happier and get more sex as a result. It’s hard to argue with an intention like that!
JP: As an author, what are the keys to your success that led to Sex: How to Get More of It getting out to the public?
JA: I also hired a publicist. They have contacts I can only dream of having, so it’s nice to have someone in your corner that can get things done for you.
It’s also about being responsive to your readers. I do my very best to respond to every email I get. While it’s not always easy, I figure if they take the time to email me, I should take the time to email them back.
Lastly, I don’t set myself up on some Expert Pedestal. We are all just people trying to live our complicated lives the best way we know how. Where my book comes in is as a reminder to everyone on what they can do to de-stress their lives and just be happy. Doing so in an accessible, fun, entertaining way makes the book an enjoyable read. Once the word starts spreading, success follows like a tipped over Domino.
JP: As an author, what is your writing process? How long did it take you to start and finish Sex: How to Get More of It?
JA: As for the writing process itself, after letting all of this people-watching I mentioned before swim about in my mind for quite a few years, I sat down on my sofa, put a cat on my right and my husband on my left, propped the laptop up on my actual lap and just began typing. I find that free flow writing works the very best for me. I didn’t outline it on paper ahead of time because I’d been kind of writing it in my brain for over a decade.
I began with the introduction so that men could easily see what they have to gain by reading the book (more sex!), and then went on to write “The List”. The List outlines the 20 steps a man can take to change his entire relationship into something that works. Even if a couple has a wonderful relationship, there are always areas that could use improving—Sex: How to Get More of It helps even those happy couples achieve more joy.
I then started explaining each item on The List. I thought it was important that men didn’t feel preached at. No one wants to be told what to do as though they are 8-years-old. I wanted them to understand the “why” when they think their women are acting like lunatics. Believe it or not, we aren’t nuts just for the fun of it. At least most of us aren’t. I figured if men understood what makes us lose our minds with anger or what makes us so happy we could burst, then they could actually follow those guidelines and have a happy woman. Just so you know, no trips to Italy or Gucci bags are required—just thoughtfulness and a bit of manipulation! Yes, you read
that correctly. I’m nothing if not honest.
As I was writing the book, I kept it intentionally short. No one (especially men) wants to read one-thousand pages on how to be a good little spouse. Books like that can seem preachy and full of “you shoulds” that no one wants to read. I figured that men would be much happier to have a concise, “do this and she’ll bang you more” handbook that just got straight to the point.
Once the draft was complete, I gave it to a few friends to get some feedback and was shocked and happily surprised that women loved the book as much as men. They’d nod their heads and laugh saying, “Yep, if ONLY my man did that he WOULD SO GET LAID more often!” After a few tweaks here and there and some editing from my grammatically helpful sister, it was finished and I was very proud of the end result.
JP: What’s next for Jodi Ambrose?
JA: After publishing, Sex: How to Get More of It, I received an enormous amount of feedback asking for a book just like it but designed for women. So I wrote, Intimacy: How to Get More of It.
Typically, men want more sex and women want more intimacy, kindness and love (and more good sex too!). These two books together help both people in a relationship see new ways of behaving and talking to one another to achieve greater happiness.
Intimacy: How to Get More of It was delightful to write, although it was harder at the same time. With Sex, it was easy to just get to the point, lay it on the table and move on. But women usually want more of the back story and specific examples. So I dug down deep and even shared some personal stores in Intimacy.
Currently I’m writing, Happiness: How to Get More of It. Yes there is a theme to my titles. This one will likely publish towards the end of 2012. It’s for both genders on life strategies they can utilize, even outside of their intimate relationships, to cut all the crap out of their lives and embrace all the good stuff.
I’m finding this one to be the most difficult to write, but I believe it’ll be worth it in the end. I know that I practice what I preach and have been wonderfully rewarded for doing so.
More than anything, I hope that my books are able to bring joy to couples out there who want to make it a little better but aren’t sure how to go about it. Good luck to everyone.