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The 14 Days After Q&A: When should men draw the line in role playing?

February 17, 2009 Joey Pinkney 17 Comments

Where should men draw the line when it comes to pleasing their woman with role playing?

Cassandra Washington: Whenever he or she feels uncomfortable, that’s when the line should be drawn. If both parties are down for anything, and it’s no holds-barred, then they should just continue to go with the flow and live in the moments.

Big Boom: When it starts getting dangerous for your marriage.

Dedan Tolbert: I don’t really think a man should have to draw a line when pleasing their woman. There should be a mutual understanding between both people that nothing will be done that makes either person uncomfortable in any way. Love making should be something that is special and treasured by both people. Role playing can be a great, fun way to enhance a couple’s sex life but like everything, there is a time and place for everything.

Tanya White: Each couple should have their own sexual expectations and boundaries that they should feel comfortable with.

The 14 Days After Q&A is a relationship mini-series. For the month of February, each day after Valentine’s Day will feature a new relationship question to be answered by two female and two male authors who have written books about relationships. Click here for more information about the authors Tanya White, Cassandra Washington, Dedan Tolbert and Big Boom.

Sun 02-15-09 Do you have to be a freak to enjoy great sex?

Mon 02-16-09 Is sex overrated?

Tue 02-17-09 When should men draw the line in role playing?

Wed 02-18-09 Why do men really cheat?

Thu 02-19-09 Why do I date the same people over and over?

Fri 02-20-09 Why are men challenged by their perineal G-spot?

Sat 02-21-09 Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

Sun 02-22-09 How do I tell my husband I’m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

Mon 02-23-09 Would more racial boundaries break if more people dated interacially?

Tue 02-24-09 How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

Wed 02-25-09 How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?

Fri 02-27-09 I fell in love with my best friend’s wife. What should I do?

Sat 02-28-09 Each author gets a special question just for him or her.

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5 Minutes, 5 Questions With… Holliday Vann, author of When Sexy Came Black to Cleveland

February 16, 2009 Joey Pinkney 3 Comments

JoeyPinkney.com Exclusive Interview
5 Minutes, 5 Questions With…
Holliday Vann, author of When Sexy Came Black to Cleveland
(Outskirts Press)

When Sexy Came Black to Cleveland is a fast-paced tale of sinsuality committed in the backyards of C-Town (Cleveland, OH). Odessah Johnson, the heroine of the story is a young and sometimes dumb 23-year-old mother of three. She is mostly bored with living an impoverished lifestyle. When the unexpected happens, Odessah finds that she has all the backing she needs to lure excitement into her life-and the city of Cleveland.

With the problems that plague Clevelanders in the background, the book will surprise the typical john who is expecting just sex. The true entree may be the dinner, arts & culture, or the wickedly good social commentary.

Joey Pinkney: Where did you get the idea and inspiration to write When Sexy Came Back to Cleveland?

Holliday Vann: “Sexy Black” was initially written as a short story of erotica called Applesauce. Odessah comes home from her cleaning job at one of the ho’ & mo’tels in Big Dirty Cleveland. After not being able to reach her boyfriend Nougat, she arrives to a dark apartment and romantic candles glowing from room to room. She believes the gesture is for her.

With mouth agape and fingers pressed lightly against her chest, she turns to mush-like applesauce. I submitted Applesauce to Zane to be included in an anthology. So . . . if . . . they don’t write . . . or call? Yeah, that means it was rejected. First, I felt sorry for me. Then I felt sorry for Odessah-and others like her-not living, but merely existing in “da Land.” That’s when I decided to tell her whole story. The reader who likes food as much as sex will enjoy sampling my descriptions.

JP: Why did you choose to write this novel in diary style?

HV: Diary format? What diary format? That’s a misconception. It’s written in the third-person, and the omniscient narrator often speaks directly to the reader. So hardly… The date stamp is there to add to the setting. I wanted to conjure up atmospherics-the sounds that add to the reality of a scene-and to further enhance a sense of urgency to a story that’s already written in a style that makes it consumable within a matter of hours.

Won’t you always remember where you were on Tuesday, November 4th, 2008? Same thing but conversely. Odessah’s story is a colorful illustration of how it takes no time at all to ruin a life.

JP: As an author, what are the keys to your success that lead to When Sexy Came Back to Cleveland getting out to the public?

HV: I am uncomfortable calling my efforts in getting When Sexy Came Black to Cleveland out to the public a success. I’m not there yet. There is so much more to do. Perseverance will be key. But as far as getting it published? If it hadn’t been this book, it would have been another. Probably should have been another book. I was very angry when I wrote Sexy Black.

But all anyone needs to know is that I love to write. I was meant to write. This is not a hobby… I love struggling with the words and their positioning to express a thing in just the right way and sometimes in a way that is uniquely my own. I always aspire to write lines and unveil revelations that give people chills-in a good way-like a singer’s voice when truly blessed. LOL. Whether I am successful at that is for others to say.

JP: Many people would like to clump this novel into the Urban Lit genre. How would you classify this book?

HV: I classify this book as “comical erotica with a social conscience.” What’s that? Well, the sex provides much of the levity in this story. But the novel deals with serious issues: poverty; racism; narcissism and self-hate; inequality in healthcare; government decisions ruining livelihoods; motherless and fatherless children-with parents; how no life should be in vain; and can love really conquer all?

The novel is funny, providing a cultural adventure when the Blackberries clash and “interact” with businessmen from China, Ghana, France, Russia, and Italy. Readers might be shocked to learn that the artists, writers, cultural events, and charitable projects mentioned in the book are real. Just Google them.

I tried to incorporate literary technique, which is mostly missing from most Urban Lit. I like using personification. I believe that every object, human or not, has life: “The day was several shades of gray depending upon where the eye wandered, and the streets were wet. But in a lower part of the sky, where the sun was yawning, the clouds were pink, lavender, and slow in moving into darkness.” I am so glad that I didn’t give up after the first chapter of Wuthering Heights.

Metaphors are fun, too: “Nougat’s car was a garbage bag short of being a rolling trash can.” I use similes, repetition, foreshadowing, fragments, vary sentence length, etc., not by accident, but with intention-just as the great Maya Angelou does. Her mind is amazing.

JP: What’s next for Holliday Vann?

HV: I’m working on the anti- or non-sequel to When Sexy Came Black to Cleveland, which is still available on Amazon.com. Buy it today! I keep some of the elements from Sexy Black. But with a new heroine, I take the storyline into some strange, new, but appealing directions. It’s half-finished. Thanks, Joey!

http://wwww.myspace.com/hollidayvann

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african american author, african american authors, african american book, african american books, criticism, love, sex

The 14 Days After Q&A: Is Sex Overated?

February 16, 2009 Joey Pinkney 5 Comments

Is sex overrated?

Big Boom: Yes sometime, as you get older you will learn there is more important things in life.

Tanya White: No, sex is not overrated but undervalued. It is not a insatiable physical urge that can not be controlled. Good, healthy sex is an emotional, spiritual and physical consummation between two individuals and nobody else.

Dedan Tolbert: I don’t think sex is overrated at all. It’s just a matter of finding the right person who can make it as beautiful for you as it’s intended to be. The true beauty of sex will never be completely realized until two people are married because that’s the way God intended it to be. Too often sex is trivialized in “friend with benefits” situations.

I advise people who are dating to take their time before becoming intimate. It’s very hard to build a relationship when sex occurs too soon. Usually women become attached soon after intimacy. Men tend to withdraw and search for the next conquest if he hasn’t had a chance to develop an emotional foundation. Keeping that in perspective, sex can be overrated especially when two people let it ruin a potentially great relationship.

The best advice that I could give a woman when dating a man is not to give it up too soon. No matter what the guy says, he won’t respect you if you do. Men have ways of saying whatever they need to say to get what they want. It’s best for all women not to give it up for a while. What’s a while, you might ask? If it doesn’t seem like a long time and your man hasn’t started complaining, then it’s too soon. Not getting sex immediately may annoy and frustrate your man initially. In the long run, he’ll respect you a lot more… even if he doesn’t talk to you anymore. Depending on the stage he’s in, he may decide to just cut you off completely and move on to his next conquest. At least you found that out before you gave it up to him and added another “notch on his belt”.

Cassandra Washington: It depends on the person you ask. Some love it, some don’t. Personally, casual sex is so very much overrated. It lasts about 35 minutes and half the time, he gets “his” but you don’t get “yours”. But making love? Now that’s the business right there! There’s a big difference in the experience when feelings are involved during an intimate act as opposed to not having an emotional connection at all and being physical. When you have feelings for someone, the slightest touch can send chills up your spine.

Sun 02-15-09 Do you have to be a freak to enjoy great sex?

Mon 02-16-09 Is sex overrated?

Tue 02-17-09 When should men draw the line in role playing?

Wed 02-18-09 Why do men really cheat?

Thu 02-19-09 Why do I date the same people over and over?

Fri 02-20-09 Why are men challenged by their perineal G-spot?

Sat 02-21-09 Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

Sun 02-22-09 How do I tell my husband I’m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

Mon 02-23-09 Would more racial boundaries break if more people dated interacially?

Tue 02-24-09 How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

Wed 02-25-09 How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?