Tag Archives: the 14 days after

The 14 Days After Q&A Grande Finale: Each author gets a special question just for him or her.


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For Tanya White: Some people are addicted to drama-filled relationships, and they don’t even know they are.  Does your book address how to recognize if a person is co-dependent to toxic relationships?

Tanya White: Yes. In my book Relationship Reruns, I address the 20 keys to finding “R-E-S-T” from toxic relationship messes such both parties showing respect, encouragement, steadfastness and trustworthiness. For an explanation of the other 16 keys, read Episode 9 of Relationship Reruns.

For Dedan Tolbert: What topic would you say people in relationships have the hardest time discussing: money or sex?

Dedan Tolbert: Both topics have the potential to be the source of a great deal of conflict. It doesn’t have to be this way though. The foundation of all relationships needs to be communication and honesty. If you have these two things, you will rarely “argue” about anything. Money and Sex can be topics that two people can disagree about because of their sensitive nature. If you communicate effectively, they shouldn’t be a problem.

Women need to remember that men have sensitive egos about money as well as sex. When it comes to sex, all men want to believe that they are the best partner their mate has ever had, and she is 100% satisfied. To find out that’s not the case can be devastating for some men and cause them to not want to do it at all.

Money is a similar subject. Men want to be the breadwinners in the home. If they’re not, they at least want to feel like they are. As far as bills are concerned, there needs to be a conversation about who’s going to pay for what, so that when the bills come there aren’t any surprises.

Without good communication and honestly, the smallest of problems can turn into huge disputes in the home.

For Cassandra Washington: If you were to take all your topics into consideration and only choose one, what would you say is the biggest misconception men have about women?  And why?

The biggest misconception about women is that they are complicated creatures. This is completely false. Every woman, no matter what type of woman she is, from earthy to high-maintenance to mellow, from rich to poor, doesn’t matter, they all want the same thing: some “Act-Right”.

What is “Act-Right” you ask? It’s simple. It’s saying what you mean, meaning what you say and doing what you said you were going to do. Plain and simple. At the end of the day, we want some Act-Right. If you give it to us, you’ll get everything your heart desires and the most peace your existence can enjoy.

Asking for “Act-Right” is not being petty or ridiculous. When you think about it, it’s directly correlated to honesty. If you say you love someone and don’t mean it, that’s a lie. Right? If you say you’re going to call at six that night, but know you probably won’t call until you get back from the club at three the next morning, that’s a lie. And no one wants a liar, right? Right.

For Big Boom: Some women feel they can change a man. In your opinion, can a sucka be reformed? Does your book address that possibility?

Big Boom: No, a woman can not change a man! She might think that he’s a changed man, but the moment you make him mad he will go back to being the same old person. If you let him change himself, he probably would ask God to help him. You will at least end up with a man that is trying.

Can a sucka be reformed? Yes, when he finds out after all this time being a sucka has no value. It’s many ways for a man to change. What I found that works best for me was prayer. I address that in my first book, ” IF YOU WANT CLOSURE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP START WITH YOUR LEGS”.

Sun 02-15-09 Do you have to be a freak to enjoy great sex?

Mon 02-16-09 Is sex overrated?

Tue 02-17-09 When should men draw the line in role playing?

Wed 02-18-09 Why do men really cheat?

Thu 02-19-09 Why do I date the same people over and over?

Fri 02-20-09 Why are men challenged by their perineal G-spot?

Sat 02-21-09 Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

Sun 02-22-09 How do I tell my husband I’m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

Mon 02-23-09 Would more racial boundaries break if more people dated interacially?

Tue 02-24-09 How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

Wed 02-25-09 How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?

Fri 02-27-09 I fell in love with my best friend’s wife. What should I do?

Sat 02-28-09 Each author gets a special question just for him or her.

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The 14 Days After Q&A: I fell in love with my best friend’s wife. What should I do?


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I fell in love with my best friend’s wife. I think she likes me, too. I’m single and don’t want to ruin my relationship or their marriage. But the attraction is overwhelming. What should I do?

Cassandra Washington: This is no doubt a sticky situation and one that should be avoided at all costs. I have to question if that is really your best friend if you have fallen for his wife. True friends don’t do that, to be quite honest with you. In any case, you’ve fallen, so now it’s time to deal with the heart of the matter: this union will never work, even if it works. This means that if she does leave her husband for you, she will never truly be yours.

The cycle can very well continue, and you to be the one that’s left hanging in the future. Why even waste your time or risk your friendship for a situation that is doomed to fail from the beginning? At the end of the day, you are going to do what you want to do. However, if you go with your mind and not your head, I’m sure you will do the right thing.

Big Boom: Get ready to die! And go to hell! It’s too many single women in this world for you to break up someone’s home.

Dedan Tolbert:
If this man is truly your best friend, you need to end this relationship with his wife immediately. No friendship is worth ruing over something that’s just an attraction. You said you fell in love, so this sounds like it’s more than just an attraction.

You may want to remove yourself from the situation all together. Stop going to family get-togethers and cookouts where you know you’ll be around her. That will only cause trouble and lead to temptation. If you want to preserve the friendship, I wouldn’t recommend telling your friend about this affair… Sometimes its best to just walk away.

Tanya White:
NOTHING! Married people are off limits no matter how much the marriage is in jeopardy. Your attraction, while valid, may be temporary due to other feelings such as loneliness, loss, etc.

No matter what the wife’s feelings are towards you are, you seriously need to distance yourself from that couple until you conquer these inappropriate feelings towards your best friend’s wife.

Sun 02-15-09 Do you have to be a freak to enjoy great sex?

Mon 02-16-09 Is sex overrated?

Tue 02-17-09 When should men draw the line in role playing?

Wed 02-18-09 Why do men really cheat?

Thu 02-19-09 Why do I date the same people over and over?

Fri 02-20-09 Why are men challenged by their perineal G-spot?

Sat 02-21-09 Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

Sun 02-22-09 How do I tell my husband I’m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

Mon 02-23-09 Would more racial boundaries break if more people dated interacially?

Tue 02-24-09 How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

Wed 02-25-09 How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?

Fri 02-27-09 I fell in love with my best friend’s wife. What should I do?

Sat 02-28-09 Each author gets a special question just for him or her.

This Post is Sponsored by:

Peace in the Storm Bannerteresa patterson ex boyfriend
Barbara Grovner Banner
Jahzara Writes Banner
Jean Holloway Banner
michelle larks the legacies banner
MoneyMakingBanners@gmail.com

Advertise with JoeyPinkney.com for just $20 (click here).

The 14 Days After Q&A: How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?


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I broke up with my ex-boyfriend months ago. I told him to leave me alone, so I can heal. He texts me all the time saying, “I didn’t want to mislead you. You are not the one for me.” But he also texts, “I miss you. I want you here so bad. Can we get together.” I still love him, but I don’t need the hurt and pain. What should I do?

Dedan Tolbert: Your ex-boyfriend’s hurtful text messages/letters/voicemails etc…were coming from the emotional part of his personality that’s having a hard time dealing with your break up. Men are typically looked at as the strong ones in relationships but that doesn’t mean that we don’t have feelings. Breaking up hurts both people involved. Some people deal with break ups better than others. Sometimes, women do things like break car windows… Sometimes, men write hurtful letters. These are all unhealthy ways to deal with heartbreak.

The fact that he’s sending you completely opposite messages saying I miss you and I love you is because his heart is conflicted. I usually advise couples who are recently broken up to refrain from any contact for a while because everything is still fresh, and that’s when the unhealthy behavior is most likely to occur.

What you need to do is remember why the two of your broke up in the first place. If the reasons are so bad that you know you can’t be happy with him again, you need to walk away for good. If you think your problems are fixable, then give it a try with a clean slate. You can’t be happy in the future if you continue to constantly bring up the problems from your past. Forgive each other once and for all and then move on so you can truly be happy.

Cassandra Washington: You should stop retaining in your memory the texts you want to read, and retain the texts that pain you to the core such as: “You are not the one for me”. All that “I miss you” and “Can we get together” is simply “I’m horny, can I get some?” Please don’t confuse it for anything more that what it is. If you do, you must not be too tired of the hurt and pain he has already put you through because you obviously want more of it, to put it simple and plain.

Tanya White: It sounds as though he wants to keep stringing you along until he finds a new love. If you really do not want to receive the texts, then delete them or block his number out so that you will not receive them. Contrary what society and the media have tricked us into believing, love does not hurt or cause pain. Love is freeing, respectful, unconditional and always wants the best for all parties involved.

Big Boom: Change your phone number and find something to do with your down time, put the love that you was giving him back into yourself and prepare for a new life.

Sun 02-15-09 Do you have to be a freak to enjoy great sex?

Mon 02-16-09 Is sex overrated?

Tue 02-17-09 When should men draw the line in role playing?

Wed 02-18-09 Why do men really cheat?

Thu 02-19-09 Why do I date the same people over and over?

Fri 02-20-09 Why are men challenged by their perineal G-spot?

Sat 02-21-09 Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

Sun 02-22-09 How do I tell my husband I’m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

Mon 02-23-09 Would more racial boundaries break if more people dated interacially?

Tue 02-24-09 How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

Wed 02-25-09 How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?

Fri 02-27-09 I fell in love with my best friend’s wife. What should I do?

Sat 02-28-09 Each author gets a special question just for him or her.

This Post is Sponsored by:

Peace in the Storm Bannerteresa patterson ex boyfriend
Barbara Grovner Banner
Jahzara Writes Banner
Jean Holloway Banner
michelle larks the legacies banner
MoneyMakingBanners@gmail.com

Advertise with JoeyPinkney.com for just $20 (click here).