the 14 days after | JoeyPinkney.com

Is sex overrated?

Big Boom: Yes sometime, as you get older you will learn there is more important things in life.

Tanya White: No, sex is not overrated but undervalued. It is not a insatiable physical urge that can not be controlled. Good, healthy sex is an emotional, spiritual and physical consummation between two individuals and nobody else.

Dedan Tolbert: I don’t think sex is overrated at all. It’s just a matter of finding the right person who can make it as beautiful for you as it’s intended to be. The true beauty of sex will never be completely realized until two people are married because that’s the way God intended it to be. Too often sex is trivialized in “friend with benefits” situations.

I advise people who are dating to take their time before becoming intimate. It’s very hard to build a relationship when sex occurs too soon. Usually women become attached soon after intimacy. Men tend to withdraw and search for the next conquest if he hasn’t had a chance to develop an emotional foundation. Keeping that in perspective, sex can be overrated especially when two people let it ruin a potentially great relationship.

The best advice that I could give a woman when dating a man is not to give it up too soon. No matter what the guy says, he won’t respect you if you do. Men have ways of saying whatever they need to say to get what they want. It’s best for all women not to give it up for a while. What’s a while, you might ask? If it doesn’t seem like a long time and your man hasn’t started complaining, then it’s too soon. Not getting sex immediately may annoy and frustrate your man initially. In the long run, he’ll respect you a lot more… even if he doesn’t talk to you anymore. Depending on the stage he’s in, he may decide to just cut you off completely and move on to his next conquest. At least you found that out before you gave it up to him and added another “notch on his belt”.

Cassandra Washington: It depends on the person you ask. Some love it, some don’t. Personally, casual sex is so very much overrated. It lasts about 35 minutes and half the time, he gets “his” but you don’t get “yours”. But making love? Now that’s the business right there! There’s a big difference in the experience when feelings are involved during an intimate act as opposed to not having an emotional connection at all and being physical. When you have feelings for someone, the slightest touch can send chills up your spine.

The 14 Days After Q&A is a relationship mini-series. For the month of February, each day after Valentine’s Day will feature a new relationship question to be answered by two female and two male authors who have written books about relationships. Click here for more information about the authors Tanya White, Cassandra Washington, Dedan Tolbert and Big Boom.

Sun 02-15-09 Do you have to be a freak to enjoy great sex?

Mon 02-16-09 Is sex overrated?

Tue 02-17-09 When should men draw the line in role playing?

Wed 02-18-09 Why do men really cheat?

Thu 02-19-09 Why do I date the same people over and over?

Fri 02-20-09 Why are men challenged by their perineal G-spot?

Sat 02-21-09 Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

Sun 02-22-09 How do I tell my husband I’m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

Mon 02-23-09 Would more racial boundaries break if more people dated interacially?

Tue 02-24-09 How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

Wed 02-25-09 How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?

Fri 02-27-09 I fell in love with my best friend’s wife. What should I do?

Sat 02-28-09 Each author gets a special question just for him or her.

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For women, there is a stigma attached to being labeled as a “freak” that keeps some women from fully exploring their sexuality. Do you have to be a “freak” to enjoy great sex?

Tanya White: No, you do not have to be a freak to enjoy sex. Society has ingrained in our minds that sex is cheap, dirty and perverted. In actuality, sex is a sacred encounter between two mature adults who have agreed to become physically intimate because the have become emotionally intimate. When sex occurs in this context, nothing is undefiled or off limits because the two have communicated their desires amongst themselves and nobody else.

Dedan Tolbert: I believe that the negativity that many believe is associated with being a freak is intended for those women who portray themselves as a “hoe”. There is nothing wrong with being a freak under the right circumstances. My definition of a freak is a woman who will do any and everything to make sure her man is completely satisfied. Most men desire “a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets”. A hoe is someone who is promiscuous and does freaky things for a large number of people. I don’t think you have to necessarily be a freak to enjoy great sex because you’re not going to do any and everything for everybody. Some things should be saved for your man, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have great sex without doing all the “freaky” things.

Cassandra Washington: Of course not. You only have to be comfortable with your situation and your body. If you’re with a man who makes you feel safe enough to be who you are, and you accept who you are and what you can do, you’ll be quite surprised the tricks you come up with and the fun you have doing them. Having fun and trying new things doesn’t make you a freak. It just shows that you are uninhibited and open-minded, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Big Boom: To stop the stigma, women need toÂ slow down. If you just have to have sex, then hold back some of your wild side because it could end up a one night stand. As the relationship progresses slowly begin show the side that you held back.While you two are watching something with love making in it, suggest that you and your man try it. This will make him feel he taught you something new, and you can get your freak on at the same time.