Tag Archives: the 14 days after

african american author, african american authors, african american book, african american books, criticism, sex

The 14 Days After Q&A: How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

February 24, 2009 Joey Pinkney 19 Comments

My girlfriend of seven months recently told me that she cheated on her last boyfriend twice with the female I thought was just her friend. She’s assured me that that’s a thing of the past, but she talks to and texts her best friend all the time. How do I cope with the feeling that there’s more than meets the eye?

Big Boom: There are 3 things you could do: 1. Have a three-some. 2. Be a fool. 3. End the relationship because you will never trust her.

Tanya White: I respect the fact that she confided her inappropriate behavior. You must trust your mate. She has done something specifically in the relationship which has made you doubt her trust then you two need to discuss it.Â If you can not trust her then you are not going to have a healthy or fulfilling relationship.

Dedan Tolbert: With any relationship, there needs to be a certain level of trust. You can’t be with someone when you can’t be 100% sure what they’re telling you is the truth. In this situation, I would ask her one final time if her cheating ways are behind her. When she tells you that they are…leave it at that.

If down the line certain behavior raises red flags, you need confront her about it and come to a mutually beneficial resolution. If that’s not possible, then you have to ask yourself if that’s a situation you want to remain a part of.

Cassandra Washington: Trust is a big component of a lasting relationship. If there is no trust, there is no relationship, simple and plain. Before you allow your paranoia to get the best of you, simply have a discussion with your mate and express how you are feeling a bit unsure about the current situation.

Telling her to remove her best friend from her life is not an option . If this “best friend” is a lover as well, former or current, then it might not be that unreasonable. If she has anything to say about it, ask her to put the shoe on the other foot and see how she would feel then.

In any case, intuition is a gift given to you to protect your heart. When it starts knocking at your door, you better answer.

Sun 02-15-09 Do you have to be a freak to enjoy great sex?

Mon 02-16-09 Is sex overrated?

Tue 02-17-09 When should men draw the line in role playing?

Wed 02-18-09 Why do men really cheat?

Thu 02-19-09 Why do I date the same people over and over?

Fri 02-20-09 Why are men challenged by their perineal G-spot?

Sat 02-21-09 Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

Sun 02-22-09 How do I tell my husband I’m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

Mon 02-23-09 Would more racial boundaries break if more people dated interacially?

Tue 02-24-09 How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

Wed 02-25-09 How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?

Fri 02-27-09 I fell in love with my best friend’s wife. What should I do?

Sat 02-28-09 Each author gets a special question just for him or her.

This Post is Sponsored by:

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african american author, african american authors, african american book, african american books, criticism

The 14 Days After Q&A: Would racial boundaries break if we had more interracial dating and interracial marriages?

February 23, 2009 Joey Pinkney 4 Comments

Do you think more racial boundaries would break if more people were to date or marry interracially?

Tanya White: Yes, I believe that. The more diversity we see amongst marriages, communities and churches, then the more racial boundaries would diminish.

Dedan Tolbert: I think that many racial boundaries would be broken if people were more comfortable dating outside their race. I believe that men and women are more than justified in dating people of other races. No one should be put down or called derogatory terms like “sell out” for the choices they make when it comes to finding a mate. True love is hard enough to find without putting all types of stipulations on it.

When I see beautiful black women with white men, it doesn’t bother me at all especially if they look happy. I’m not going to hate on that white man. In fact, I’m going to give him props because he must be doing his thing to keep a beautiful black sister like that. If anything, seeing something like that would only motivate me to continue doing my thing and maybe even step my game up.

Cassandra Washington: Absolutely not. There are a lot of people dating and marrying interracially right now, and race is still an issue. As long as we are on this green earth, race will unfortunately be the elephant in the room because of the global society we live in. It’s a vicious cycle.

We have made waves and strides, but the struggle still continues. The problem just isn’t interracial. It’s within races as well. Light skin versus Dark skin, the issue is still here. It’s going to take a lot of effort for it to go away. Bottom line, people should love who they want to love and be with who they want to be with, regardless of race.

Big Boom: No, it could make it worst because some people can never get past the thought. However, interracial friends can actually help break the boundaries.

Sun 02-15-09 Do you have to be a freak to enjoy great sex?

Mon 02-16-09 Is sex overrated?

Tue 02-17-09 When should men draw the line in role playing?

Wed 02-18-09 Why do men really cheat?

Thu 02-19-09 Why do I date the same people over and over?

Fri 02-20-09 Why are men challenged by their perineal G-spot?

Sat 02-21-09 Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

Sun 02-22-09 How do I tell my husband I’m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

Mon 02-23-09 Would more racial boundaries break if more people dated interacially?

Tue 02-24-09 How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

Wed 02-25-09 How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?

Fri 02-27-09 I fell in love with my best friend’s wife. What should I do?

Sat 02-28-09 Each author gets a special question just for him or her.

This Post is Sponsored by:

Advertise with JoeyPinkney.com for just $20 (click here).

african american author, african american authors, african american book, african american books, criticism, love, sex

The 14 Days After Q&A: Why Do Men Really Cheat?

February 17, 2009 Joey Pinkney 24 Comments

Why do men really cheat?

Dedan Tolbert: While this question is often an extremely complicated one, the first step is to identify what “stage” your man is in at that particular point in his life. When I say stage, I mean that all men go through 3 stages for what they are looking for from women. These 3 stages differ from man to man and are often based on the man’s maturity level.

One stage is the “dog stage”. This stage is where men just want to have sex with as many women as possible as fast as possible. They don’t really care about the woman’s feelings at all. Another stage is the “player stage”. This stage is when a man finds someone who he’s interested in settling down with but he still wants to have his fun on the side while dealing with multiple other women. The last stage is the “wifey stage”. This is when a man is truly interested in finding a wife or a girlfriend and really being committed to her. I’m not saying that men won’t cheat during this stage, but it’s not what he’s setting out to do mentally.

So overall, there’s no easy answer to this question.When it comes to the question of why a man is cheating on his woman, it depends on what stage he’s in when he cheats.

Cassandra Washington: That’s a great question. From what I hear from a lot of men, some do it just because they can. You know, to see if they still have it like that. Some do it because they feel constricted or neglected in their current relationship. What men are missing in their current situation, they’ll try to find it outside. It’s never a good idea, but hey, it happens because they are human. Humans make mistakes. I will say, however, with the way the world is today with disease, pregnancy rates, violence, etc, cheating is never a good idea. You can’t fix what’s inside, by going out, feel what I’m saying?

Big Boom: It’s fun and it’s easy to do. It makes some men feel like they own the world. If you don’t know any better, you feel like it’s part of manhood. Some guys learn from the best, which would be there father.

Tanya White: In my opinion, men cheat because they have not been honest with themselves or their companion about what they truly want and need not just physically but also emotionally and spiritually. Instead of patiently waiting to find the love they really want and deserve, they settle for what I call “Might As Well Hell” by staying in an unfulfilling relationship and pursuing another unfulfilling relationship on the side. (For complete explanation of what I mean by “Might As Well Hell”, read issue #158 of Tanya’s Tips newsletter via www.tanyawhite.com)

The 14 Days After Q&A is a relationship mini-series. For the month of February, each day after Valentine’s Day will feature a new relationship question to be answered by two female and two male authors who have written books about relationships. Click here for more information about the authors Tanya White, Cassandra Washington, Dedan Tolbert and Big Boom.

Sun 02-15-09 Do you have to be a freak to enjoy great sex?

Mon 02-16-09 Is sex overrated?

Tue 02-17-09 When should men draw the line in role playing?

Wed 02-18-09 Why do men really cheat?

Thu 02-19-09 Why do I date the same people over and over?

Fri 02-20-09 Why are men challenged by their perineal G-spot?

Sat 02-21-09 Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

Sun 02-22-09 How do I tell my husband I’m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

Mon 02-23-09 Would more racial boundaries break if more people dated interacially?

Tue 02-24-09 How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

Wed 02-25-09 How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?