I broke up with my ex-boyfriend months ago. I told him to leave me alone, so I can heal. He texts me all the time saying, “I didn’t want to mislead you. You are not the one for me.” But he also texts, “I miss you. I want you here so bad. Can we get together.” I still love him, but I don’t need the hurt and pain. What should I do?
Dedan Tolbert: Your ex-boyfriend’s hurtful text messages/letters/voicemails etc…were coming from the emotional part of his personality that’s having a hard time dealing with your break up. Men are typically looked at as the strong ones in relationships but that doesn’t mean that we don’t have feelings. Breaking up hurts both people involved. Some people deal with break ups better than others. Sometimes, women do things like break car windows… Sometimes, men write hurtful letters. These are all unhealthy ways to deal with heartbreak.
The fact that he’s sending you completely opposite messages saying I miss you and I love you is because his heart is conflicted. I usually advise couples who are recently broken up to refrain from any contact for a while because everything is still fresh, and that’s when the unhealthy behavior is most likely to occur.
What you need to do is remember why the two of your broke up in the first place. If the reasons are so bad that you know you can’t be happy with him again, you need to walk away for good. If you think your problems are fixable, then give it a try with a clean slate. You can’t be happy in the future if you continue to constantly bring up the problems from your past. Forgive each other once and for all and then move on so you can truly be happy.
Cassandra Washington: You should stop retaining in your memory the texts you want to read, and retain the texts that pain you to the core such as: “You are not the one for me”. All that “I miss you” and “Can we get together” is simply “I’m horny, can I get some?” Please don’t confuse it for anything more that what it is. If you do, you must not be too tired of the hurt and pain he has already put you through because you obviously want more of it, to put it simple and plain.
Tanya White: It sounds as though he wants to keep stringing you along until he finds a new love. If you really do not want to receive the texts, then delete them or block his number out so that you will not receive them. Contrary what society and the media have tricked us into believing, love does not hurt or cause pain. Love is freeing, respectful, unconditional and always wants the best for all parties involved.
Big Boom: Change your phone number and find something to do with your down time, put the love that you was giving him back into yourself and prepare for a new life.
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Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?
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19 thoughts on “The 14 Days After Q&A: How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?”
When I read the topic for today, Cassandra Washington was reading my thoughts exactly. He is horny with the lines–“I miss you. Can we get together…”. Then, I read Big Boom, it has a sense of humor but lays out the realness of this situation–move on, change your number and as Tanya said, or block your number and delete his messages. When I met men like this, I delete their number from my phone and block them. Sometimes, you have to pay a fee to change your number…home phones…so I will stop talking, calling, and blocking them. Move on with a new life, new man, and new attitude (hear Pattie LaBelle singing, “I got a new attitude…”)
All answers are direct and to the point, please take heed.
Amen to that!
As a side dish, I love that song by, I think it was Denise Lasalle, (i think) called “Steppin Out” lol It’s an oldie, and forgive me if i have the singer wrong. But it goes like this:
“Came home this morning, Oh what a shock…
When you found out your key no longer fit that lock..oh baby…
You can go back where you been..
See you been steppin out…
Now someone ELSE is steppin in!”
This is the first time that I have to disagree with Dedan Tolbert. I don’t disagree with the fact that men (and women) can have conflicting feelings that are outwardly manifested. I just don’t think that Dedan’s logic applies to the guy that is referred to in this Q&A session.
Straight up and down, this guy is a player and this woman is getting played. He knows she can be easily manipulated, and he’s doing what he’s probably been doing while they were still going with each other.
She needs to take Big Boom’s advice: Change your number. She needs to take Cassandra Washington’s advice: Keep the bad messages to keep this guy in proper perspective. Peep Tanya’s wisdom: He’s stringing you along, and he might be stringing a couple of you along…
@Adrienna Turner – Whatchu know about that Patti Labelle?! (lol) Thank you for sharing. Your real-life experience is a great guideline to follow.
@Cassandra Washington – I really appreciate you taking the time to visit the site and continue to add you wisdom. That’s incredible. (You’re the only one doing that…) Denise Lasalle, huh? Yeah, the song you’re talking about is “Someone Else is Stepping In”. It was a hit she wrote for Z.Z. Hill. (Whatchu know ’bout that? lol)
ha! lol I know, I’m a mess. My cd collection is filled with Otis Redding, Luther Vandross, Al Green, Betty Wright, and then Plies and others lol what a combination lol :)P- Cassi
CHANGE YOUR NUMBER OR IGNORE IT.
My mother says don’t let anyone take away your joy… do it to them first.
The more you allow him to mentally abuse you the more he knows he still has some importance in your life.
You have to make a choice and just stop it, get away from it, ignore it.
Remember: We are women. We are stronger mentally than men.
And we play the best mental games.
Don’t you let that man take your womanhood away.
Buck up and either get even or just walk away.
Another rant from Blogger of How To Love A Black Woman
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