The 14 Days After Q&A: Is Sex Overated?

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Is sex overrated?

Big Boom: Yes sometime, as you get older you will learn there is more important things in life.

Tanya White:
No, sex is not overrated but undervalued. It is not a insatiable physical urge that can not be controlled. Good, healthy sex is an emotional, spiritual and physical consummation between two individuals and nobody else.

Dedan Tolbert: I don’t think sex is overrated at all. It’s just a matter of finding the right person who can make it as beautiful for you as it’s intended to be. The true beauty of sex will never be completely realized until two people are married because that’s the way God intended it to be. Too often sex is trivialized in “friend with benefits” situations.

I advise people who are dating to take their time before becoming intimate. It’s very hard to build a relationship when sex occurs too soon. Usually women become attached soon after intimacy. Men tend to withdraw and search for the next conquest if he hasn’t had a chance to develop an emotional foundation. Keeping that in perspective, sex can be overrated especially when two people let it ruin a potentially great relationship.

The best advice that I could give a woman when dating a man is not to give it up too soon. No matter what the guy says, he won’t respect you if you do. Men have ways of saying whatever they need to say to get what they want. It’s best for all women not to give it up for a while. What’s a while, you might ask? If it doesn’t seem like a long time and your man hasn’t started complaining, then it’s too soon. Not getting sex immediately may annoy and frustrate your man initially. In the long run, he’ll respect you a lot more… even if he doesn’t talk to you anymore. Depending on the stage he’s in, he may decide to just cut you off completely and move on to his next conquest. At least you found that out before you gave it up to him and added another “notch on his belt”.

Cassandra Washington: It depends on the person you ask. Some love it, some don’t. Personally, casual sex is so very much overrated. It lasts about 35 minutes and half the time, he gets “his” but you don’t get “yours”. But making love? Now that’s the business right there! There’s a big difference in the experience when feelings are involved during an intimate act as opposed to not having an emotional connection at all and being physical. When you have feelings for someone, the slightest touch can send chills up your spine.

The 14 Days After Q&A is a relationship mini-series. For the month of February, each day after Valentine’s Day will feature a new relationship question to be answered by two female and two male authors who have written books about relationships. Click here for more information about the authors Tanya White, Cassandra Washington, Dedan Tolbert and Big Boom.

Sun 02-15-09 Do you have to be a freak to enjoy great sex?

Mon 02-16-09 Is sex overrated?

Tue 02-17-09 When should men draw the line in role playing?

Wed 02-18-09 Why do men really cheat?

Thu 02-19-09 Why do I date the same people over and over?

Fri 02-20-09 Why are men challenged by their perineal G-spot?

Sat 02-21-09 Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

Sun 02-22-09 How do I tell my husband I’m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

Mon 02-23-09 Would more racial boundaries break if more people dated interacially?

Tue 02-24-09 How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

Wed 02-25-09 How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?

Fri 02-27-09 I fell in love with my best friend’s wife. What should I do?

Sat 02-28-09 Each author gets a special question just for him or her.

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5 thoughts on “The 14 Days After Q&A: Is Sex Overated?”

  1. Wow, this was explosive. I really can feel what Dedan Tolbert. I will have to find Dedan’s books…I read Big Boom’s two books on relationships–Hilarious. I will have to look into reading the other authors works. I know Tanya White is on BTR (BlogTalkRadio). The advice is well taken. I know that to give my body to a man right away, even if some women worry about losing him…you never had him in the first place. The old saying, a way to get to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but I also believe we have to get his mind…when the sex is over after a few minutes (nice Cassandra Washington said 35 minutes, which I have met some in my younger days that went hours), what do you have left? Good conversation? Things in common? Love is deeper than sex, but most of us love having sex.

  2. I’m really enjoying all of the answers from Boom, Tanya and Dedan, as well as the comments on the site. Adrienna (pretty name!), i completely agree with you in that, there most definitely has to be a deeper connection. My uncle always said, if you get his mind, the rest will follow 🙂

    – Cassi

  3. I have to admit. I love how this is turning out. I hope I can get more people to tune into what we have going on before the 14 days are up.

    @Adrienna – I love the fact that the authors are giving it to us straight-no-chaser style. The idea that threads the four answers together is this: Sex is not something for mass consumption. When sex becomes a commodity between the two (or more) parties, it loses its value and effect.

    @Cassandra – Thank you so much for coming to grace us with your presence. You and the rest of the panel are extremely intelligent.

    As we go through the upcoming posts, people will see how well rounded everybody is.

  4. underated?

    no and no

    unappreciated and in biblically speaking used wrongly.

    sex is supposed to only be used for productivity of children.


    Now I’ll say I’m a hypocrite because I have sex outside of marriage, but I’m going to tell you there ain’t nothing like good married sex.

    I miss that the most and I almost would have stayed married just to get it back

    I said almost. LOL.

  5. Thank you Cassandra for the compliment. My mom loves this name, it is a Spanish name, which can be pronounced (a-dree-on-a or od-dree-an-a) and my mother prefers (ah-dree-na).

    Sylvia, my mother does brag that it is nothing like martial sex. She wants to be married again to have that love-making. After hearing her talk about, I pray to find out as a single woman. I have had sex in the past, but decided it is not for me anymore until marriage. It has been over 5 years, and learning there is more to value in a relationship than sex. We get the misconceptions that sex is used as trade or commodity as Joey elaborated. I do not want it to validate me as a person…more than anything, I want to experience true love more than good sex, but it is different if it is phenomenal love-making…hard to find. Warranty wears off!

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