Tag Archives: dedan tolbert

african american author, african american authors, african american book, african american books, criticism, sex

The 14 Days After Q&A: How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

February 24, 2009 Joey Pinkney 19 Comments

My girlfriend of seven months recently told me that she cheated on her last boyfriend twice with the female I thought was just her friend. She’s assured me that that’s a thing of the past, but she talks to and texts her best friend all the time. How do I cope with the feeling that there’s more than meets the eye?

Big Boom: There are 3 things you could do: 1. Have a three-some. 2. Be a fool. 3. End the relationship because you will never trust her.

Tanya White: I respect the fact that she confided her inappropriate behavior. You must trust your mate. She has done something specifically in the relationship which has made you doubt her trust then you two need to discuss it.Â If you can not trust her then you are not going to have a healthy or fulfilling relationship.

Dedan Tolbert: With any relationship, there needs to be a certain level of trust. You can’t be with someone when you can’t be 100% sure what they’re telling you is the truth. In this situation, I would ask her one final time if her cheating ways are behind her. When she tells you that they are…leave it at that.

If down the line certain behavior raises red flags, you need confront her about it and come to a mutually beneficial resolution. If that’s not possible, then you have to ask yourself if that’s a situation you want to remain a part of.

Cassandra Washington: Trust is a big component of a lasting relationship. If there is no trust, there is no relationship, simple and plain. Before you allow your paranoia to get the best of you, simply have a discussion with your mate and express how you are feeling a bit unsure about the current situation.

Telling her to remove her best friend from her life is not an option . If this “best friend” is a lover as well, former or current, then it might not be that unreasonable. If she has anything to say about it, ask her to put the shoe on the other foot and see how she would feel then.

In any case, intuition is a gift given to you to protect your heart. When it starts knocking at your door, you better answer.

Sun 02-15-09 Do you have to be a freak to enjoy great sex?

Mon 02-16-09 Is sex overrated?

Tue 02-17-09 When should men draw the line in role playing?

Wed 02-18-09 Why do men really cheat?

Thu 02-19-09 Why do I date the same people over and over?

Fri 02-20-09 Why are men challenged by their perineal G-spot?

Sat 02-21-09 Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

Sun 02-22-09 How do I tell my husband I’m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

Mon 02-23-09 Would more racial boundaries break if more people dated interacially?

Tue 02-24-09 How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

Wed 02-25-09 How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?

Fri 02-27-09 I fell in love with my best friend’s wife. What should I do?

Sat 02-28-09 Each author gets a special question just for him or her.

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african american author, african american authors, african american book, african american books, criticism

The 14 Days After Q&A: Would racial boundaries break if we had more interracial dating and interracial marriages?

February 23, 2009 Joey Pinkney 4 Comments

Do you think more racial boundaries would break if more people were to date or marry interracially?

Tanya White: Yes, I believe that. The more diversity we see amongst marriages, communities and churches, then the more racial boundaries would diminish.

Dedan Tolbert: I think that many racial boundaries would be broken if people were more comfortable dating outside their race. I believe that men and women are more than justified in dating people of other races. No one should be put down or called derogatory terms like “sell out” for the choices they make when it comes to finding a mate. True love is hard enough to find without putting all types of stipulations on it.

When I see beautiful black women with white men, it doesn’t bother me at all especially if they look happy. I’m not going to hate on that white man. In fact, I’m going to give him props because he must be doing his thing to keep a beautiful black sister like that. If anything, seeing something like that would only motivate me to continue doing my thing and maybe even step my game up.

Cassandra Washington: Absolutely not. There are a lot of people dating and marrying interracially right now, and race is still an issue. As long as we are on this green earth, race will unfortunately be the elephant in the room because of the global society we live in. It’s a vicious cycle.

We have made waves and strides, but the struggle still continues. The problem just isn’t interracial. It’s within races as well. Light skin versus Dark skin, the issue is still here. It’s going to take a lot of effort for it to go away. Bottom line, people should love who they want to love and be with who they want to be with, regardless of race.

Big Boom: No, it could make it worst because some people can never get past the thought. However, interracial friends can actually help break the boundaries.

Sun 02-15-09 Do you have to be a freak to enjoy great sex?

Mon 02-16-09 Is sex overrated?

Tue 02-17-09 When should men draw the line in role playing?

Wed 02-18-09 Why do men really cheat?

Thu 02-19-09 Why do I date the same people over and over?

Fri 02-20-09 Why are men challenged by their perineal G-spot?

Sat 02-21-09 Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

Sun 02-22-09 How do I tell my husband I’m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

Mon 02-23-09 Would more racial boundaries break if more people dated interacially?

Tue 02-24-09 How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

Wed 02-25-09 How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?

Fri 02-27-09 I fell in love with my best friend’s wife. What should I do?

Sat 02-28-09 Each author gets a special question just for him or her.

This Post is Sponsored by:

Advertise with JoeyPinkney.com for just $20 (click here).

african american author, african american authors, african american book, african american books, criticism, sex

The 14 Days After Q&A: How do I tell my husband Iâ€™m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

February 22, 2009 Joey Pinkney 2 Comments

My husband and I have been married for twelve years and have never cheated on the other. I am sexually frustrated and wish to add some spice to my marriage. How should I approach the subject without hurting my husband’s feelings?

Dedan Tolbert: It’s true that men can have very fragile egos when it comes to their sexual performance, so it’s good that you are cognizant of his feelings. The best advice I can give would be to suggest trying new things to your husband. Let him know what would turn you on as opposed to telling him what he’s doing wrong in the bedroom. If you take this approach, you’ll get what you want without hurting his ego and causing him to think that you’re unhappy.

Something else to keep in mind is that most men don’t need too much coercion to try new things. If he’s lost interest in sex, you might want to take a look at yourself to see if there’s something that you’re doing or not doing that’s caused him to take a step back…

Cassandra Washington: For you to be sexually frustrated, I’m assuming the sex has somewhat come to a complete halt in your relationship. The best approach is to just go for what you know, meaning, don’t talk about it, just be about it. One night, spice up the bedroom action by adding some racy lingerie, some fruit and wine, a little whip cream, kiss him like you are dying of hunger, caress him like you can’t live without his skin. Role play. Purr. Get on top!

Do something different to show him that you are down and ready to spice it up. Truthfully, your husband is probably already thinking the same thing. He probably wants to spice it up but thinks you may not want to go there. Go for it. If he reacts positively, good. If not, then you need to have “the talk”.

Big Boom: As long as you frustrated, you are hurting his feeling any way. A clear mind helps you to be more creative, lovable and sexual. Make sure he is not tired of you.

Tanya White: First, I would do a self evaluation as to why you are really frustrated sexually. Sex is more than physical. It is also emotional and spiritual. All 3 are interconnected into creating a healthy and fulfilling sex life.

Also, the fact that you stated in your first sentence that neither of you have ever cheated on the other sends a red flag that in the deep chambers of your mind you are seriously contemplating cheating as a means of sexually satisfaction. If so, then I strongly encourage you not to succumb to those urges.

Next, I would immediately carve out time to discuss your feelings with your husband. I encourage you to approach the issue delicately yet honestly. Use a lot of “I” statements instead of “you” statements. If the issue is not resolved, there is nothing wrong with seeking outside advice or counseling.

Sun 02-15-09 Do you have to be a freak to enjoy great sex?

Mon 02-16-09 Is sex overrated?

Tue 02-17-09 When should men draw the line in role playing?

Wed 02-18-09 Why do men really cheat?

Thu 02-19-09 Why do I date the same people over and over?

Fri 02-20-09 Why are men challenged by their perineal G-spot?

Sat 02-21-09 Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

Sun 02-22-09 How do I tell my husband I’m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

Mon 02-23-09 Would more racial boundaries break if more people dated interacially?

Tue 02-24-09 How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

Wed 02-25-09 How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?