I broke up with my ex-boyfriend months ago. I told him to leave me alone, so I can heal. He texts me all the time saying, “I didn’t want to mislead you. You are not the one for me.” But he also texts, “I miss you. I want you here so bad. Can we get together.” I still love him, but I don’t need the hurt and pain. What should I do?

Dedan Tolbert: Your ex-boyfriend’s hurtful text messages/letters/voicemails etc…were coming from the emotional part of his personality that’s having a hard time dealing with your break up. Men are typically looked at as the strong ones in relationships but that doesn’t mean that we don’t have feelings. Breaking up hurts both people involved. Some people deal with break ups better than others. Sometimes, women do things like break car windows… Sometimes, men write hurtful letters. These are all unhealthy ways to deal with heartbreak.

The fact that he’s sending you completely opposite messages saying I miss you and I love you is because his heart is conflicted. I usually advise couples who are recently broken up to refrain from any contact for a while because everything is still fresh, and that’s when the unhealthy behavior is most likely to occur.

What you need to do is remember why the two of your broke up in the first place. If the reasons are so bad that you know you can’t be happy with him again, you need to walk away for good. If you think your problems are fixable, then give it a try with a clean slate. You can’t be happy in the future if you continue to constantly bring up the problems from your past. Forgive each other once and for all and then move on so you can truly be happy.

Cassandra Washington: You should stop retaining in your memory the texts you want to read, and retain the texts that pain you to the core such as: “You are not the one for me”. All that “I miss you” and “Can we get together” is simply “I’m horny, can I get some?” Please don’t confuse it for anything more that what it is. If you do, you must not be too tired of the hurt and pain he has already put you through because you obviously want more of it, to put it simple and plain.

Tanya White: It sounds as though he wants to keep stringing you along until he finds a new love. If you really do not want to receive the texts, then delete them or block his number out so that you will not receive them. Contrary what society and the media have tricked us into believing, love does not hurt or cause pain. Love is freeing, respectful, unconditional and always wants the best for all parties involved.

Big Boom: Change your phone number and find something to do with your down time, put the love that you was giving him back into yourself and prepare for a new life.

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