My husband and I have been married for twelve years and have never cheated on the other. I am sexually frustrated and wish to add some spice to my marriage. How should I approach the subject without hurting my husband’s feelings?

Dedan Tolbert: It’s true that men can have very fragile egos when it comes to their sexual performance, so it’s good that you are cognizant of his feelings. The best advice I can give would be to suggest trying new things to your husband. Let him know what would turn you on as opposed to telling him what he’s doing wrong in the bedroom. If you take this approach, you’ll get what you want without hurting his ego and causing him to think that you’re unhappy.

Something else to keep in mind is that most men don’t need too much coercion to try new things. If he’s lost interest in sex, you might want to take a look at yourself to see if there’s something that you’re doing or not doing that’s caused him to take a step back…

Cassandra Washington: For you to be sexually frustrated, I’m assuming the sex has somewhat come to a complete halt in your relationship. The best approach is to just go for what you know, meaning, don’t talk about it, just be about it. One night, spice up the bedroom action by adding some racy lingerie, some fruit and wine, a little whip cream, kiss him like you are dying of hunger, caress him like you can’t live without his skin. Role play. Purr. Get on top!

Do something different to show him that you are down and ready to spice it up. Truthfully, your husband is probably already thinking the same thing. He probably wants to spice it up but thinks you may not want to go there. Go for it. If he reacts positively, good. If not, then you need to have “the talk”.

Big Boom: As long as you frustrated, you are hurting his feeling any way. A clear mind helps you to be more creative, lovable and sexual. Make sure he is not tired of you.

Tanya White: First, I would do a self evaluation as to why you are really frustrated sexually. Sex is more than physical. It is also emotional and spiritual. All 3 are interconnected into creating a healthy and fulfilling sex life.

Also, the fact that you stated in your first sentence that neither of you have ever cheated on the other sends a red flag that in the deep chambers of your mind you are seriously contemplating cheating as a means of sexually satisfaction. If so, then I strongly encourage you not to succumb to those urges.

Next, I would immediately carve out time to discuss your feelings with your husband. I encourage you to approach the issue delicately yet honestly. Use a lot of “I” statements instead of “you” statements. If the issue is not resolved, there is nothing wrong with seeking outside advice or counseling.

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