Tag Archives: tanya white

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The 14 Days After Q&A: How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

February 25, 2009 Joey Pinkney 24 Comments

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years. I want to get married, he’s not ready. How do I get him to understand how important marriage is to our relationship without risking losing him altogether?

Cassandra Washington: After 8 years, you have to wonder what is truly keeping him from making your union legal?Â This is a discussion that most definitely needs to take place. Do not worry about it being the right place, or the right time, because quite frankly, if it’s been 8 years, obviously he’s uncomfortable with the idea of legal commitment, and therefore, any time the subject is brought up will make him sweat. Whenever you talk to him, be sure to not whine, beg, give ultimatums, or complain. Simply question the direction of your relationship, if he sees marriage in the near future, and if not, what is keeping him from that path? Eight years is a long time to dance around a subject, and an even longer time to find out that your bond is not moving forward, but in circles. So just go for it, and let the chips fall where they may.

Big Boom: You need to tell God and not him, some men want to be a life time boyfriend, If he wanted to marry you, Â you would of been married 7 years ago. Because a man in love do not wait that long., because he cannot afford to lose you.

Tanya White: I get these scenarios all of the time.Â If one party is not ready for the next level such as marriage there is literally nothing you can do to “make” him understand.Â First, analyze why you really want to marry this person.Â Even though you have been together for 8 years, you really have not been together for 8 years because you are not on the same page as to the future of the relationship.Â Many times people confuse length of time with the longevity of success.Â You need to be honest with yourself to see if the relationship has run its’ course.Â Forcing or nagging your boyfriend into marriage may get you a wedding but not a healthy marriage and eventual divorce.

Dedan Tolbert: In this situation, your concern shouldn’t be about him. It needs to be about you and your happiness. If a man isn’t ready to marry you after eight years, he doesn’t want to get married… or at least not to you. Men who wait this long before really committing are playing some sort of game. Usually it means he’s still out there looking for the next best thing. You would be wise to give him a timetable or ultimatum. If you don’t you could find yourself alone after eight years with nothing to show for it.

Sun 02-15-09 Do you have to be a freak to enjoy great sex?

Mon 02-16-09 Is sex overrated?

Tue 02-17-09 When should men draw the line in role playing?

Wed 02-18-09 Why do men really cheat?

Thu 02-19-09 Why do I date the same people over and over?

Fri 02-20-09 Why are men challenged by their perineal G-spot?

Sat 02-21-09 Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

Sun 02-22-09 How do I tell my husband I’m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

Mon 02-23-09 Would more racial boundaries break if more people dated interacially?

Tue 02-24-09 How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

Wed 02-25-09 How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?

Fri 02-27-09 I fell in love with my best friend’s wife. What should I do?

Sat 02-28-09 Each author gets a special question just for him or her.

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african american author, african american authors, african american book, african american books, criticism, sex

The 14 Days After Q&A: How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

February 24, 2009 Joey Pinkney 19 Comments

My girlfriend of seven months recently told me that she cheated on her last boyfriend twice with the female I thought was just her friend. She’s assured me that that’s a thing of the past, but she talks to and texts her best friend all the time. How do I cope with the feeling that there’s more than meets the eye?

Big Boom: There are 3 things you could do: 1. Have a three-some. 2. Be a fool. 3. End the relationship because you will never trust her.

Tanya White: I respect the fact that she confided her inappropriate behavior. You must trust your mate. She has done something specifically in the relationship which has made you doubt her trust then you two need to discuss it.Â If you can not trust her then you are not going to have a healthy or fulfilling relationship.

Dedan Tolbert: With any relationship, there needs to be a certain level of trust. You can’t be with someone when you can’t be 100% sure what they’re telling you is the truth. In this situation, I would ask her one final time if her cheating ways are behind her. When she tells you that they are…leave it at that.

If down the line certain behavior raises red flags, you need confront her about it and come to a mutually beneficial resolution. If that’s not possible, then you have to ask yourself if that’s a situation you want to remain a part of.

Cassandra Washington: Trust is a big component of a lasting relationship. If there is no trust, there is no relationship, simple and plain. Before you allow your paranoia to get the best of you, simply have a discussion with your mate and express how you are feeling a bit unsure about the current situation.

Telling her to remove her best friend from her life is not an option . If this “best friend” is a lover as well, former or current, then it might not be that unreasonable. If she has anything to say about it, ask her to put the shoe on the other foot and see how she would feel then.

In any case, intuition is a gift given to you to protect your heart. When it starts knocking at your door, you better answer.

Sun 02-15-09 Do you have to be a freak to enjoy great sex?

Mon 02-16-09 Is sex overrated?

Tue 02-17-09 When should men draw the line in role playing?

Wed 02-18-09 Why do men really cheat?

Thu 02-19-09 Why do I date the same people over and over?

Fri 02-20-09 Why are men challenged by their perineal G-spot?

Sat 02-21-09 Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

Sun 02-22-09 How do I tell my husband I’m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

Mon 02-23-09 Would more racial boundaries break if more people dated interacially?

Tue 02-24-09 How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

Wed 02-25-09 How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?

Fri 02-27-09 I fell in love with my best friend’s wife. What should I do?

Sat 02-28-09 Each author gets a special question just for him or her.

This Post is Sponsored by:

Advertise with JoeyPinkney.com for just $20 (click here).

african american author, african american authors, african american book, african american books, criticism

The 14 Days After Q&A: Would racial boundaries break if we had more interracial dating and interracial marriages?

February 23, 2009 Joey Pinkney 4 Comments

Do you think more racial boundaries would break if more people were to date or marry interracially?

Tanya White: Yes, I believe that. The more diversity we see amongst marriages, communities and churches, then the more racial boundaries would diminish.

Dedan Tolbert: I think that many racial boundaries would be broken if people were more comfortable dating outside their race. I believe that men and women are more than justified in dating people of other races. No one should be put down or called derogatory terms like “sell out” for the choices they make when it comes to finding a mate. True love is hard enough to find without putting all types of stipulations on it.

When I see beautiful black women with white men, it doesn’t bother me at all especially if they look happy. I’m not going to hate on that white man. In fact, I’m going to give him props because he must be doing his thing to keep a beautiful black sister like that. If anything, seeing something like that would only motivate me to continue doing my thing and maybe even step my game up.

Cassandra Washington: Absolutely not. There are a lot of people dating and marrying interracially right now, and race is still an issue. As long as we are on this green earth, race will unfortunately be the elephant in the room because of the global society we live in. It’s a vicious cycle.

We have made waves and strides, but the struggle still continues. The problem just isn’t interracial. It’s within races as well. Light skin versus Dark skin, the issue is still here. It’s going to take a lot of effort for it to go away. Bottom line, people should love who they want to love and be with who they want to be with, regardless of race.

Big Boom: No, it could make it worst because some people can never get past the thought. However, interracial friends can actually help break the boundaries.

Sun 02-15-09 Do you have to be a freak to enjoy great sex?

Mon 02-16-09 Is sex overrated?

Tue 02-17-09 When should men draw the line in role playing?

Wed 02-18-09 Why do men really cheat?

Thu 02-19-09 Why do I date the same people over and over?

Fri 02-20-09 Why are men challenged by their perineal G-spot?

Sat 02-21-09 Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

Sun 02-22-09 How do I tell my husband I’m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

Mon 02-23-09 Would more racial boundaries break if more people dated interacially?

Tue 02-24-09 How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

Wed 02-25-09 How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?