Tag Archives: cassandra washington

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The 14 Days After Q&A: Would racial boundaries break if we had more interracial dating and interracial marriages?

February 23, 2009 Joey Pinkney 4 Comments

Do you think more racial boundaries would break if more people were to date or marry interracially?

Tanya White: Yes, I believe that. The more diversity we see amongst marriages, communities and churches, then the more racial boundaries would diminish.

Dedan Tolbert: I think that many racial boundaries would be broken if people were more comfortable dating outside their race. I believe that men and women are more than justified in dating people of other races. No one should be put down or called derogatory terms like “sell out” for the choices they make when it comes to finding a mate. True love is hard enough to find without putting all types of stipulations on it.

When I see beautiful black women with white men, it doesn’t bother me at all especially if they look happy. I’m not going to hate on that white man. In fact, I’m going to give him props because he must be doing his thing to keep a beautiful black sister like that. If anything, seeing something like that would only motivate me to continue doing my thing and maybe even step my game up.

Cassandra Washington: Absolutely not. There are a lot of people dating and marrying interracially right now, and race is still an issue. As long as we are on this green earth, race will unfortunately be the elephant in the room because of the global society we live in. It’s a vicious cycle.

We have made waves and strides, but the struggle still continues. The problem just isn’t interracial. It’s within races as well. Light skin versus Dark skin, the issue is still here. It’s going to take a lot of effort for it to go away. Bottom line, people should love who they want to love and be with who they want to be with, regardless of race.

Big Boom: No, it could make it worst because some people can never get past the thought. However, interracial friends can actually help break the boundaries.

Sun 02-15-09 Do you have to be a freak to enjoy great sex?

Mon 02-16-09 Is sex overrated?

Tue 02-17-09 When should men draw the line in role playing?

Wed 02-18-09 Why do men really cheat?

Thu 02-19-09 Why do I date the same people over and over?

Fri 02-20-09 Why are men challenged by their perineal G-spot?

Sat 02-21-09 Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

Sun 02-22-09 How do I tell my husband I’m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

Mon 02-23-09 Would more racial boundaries break if more people dated interacially?

Tue 02-24-09 How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

Wed 02-25-09 How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?

Fri 02-27-09 I fell in love with my best friend’s wife. What should I do?

Sat 02-28-09 Each author gets a special question just for him or her.

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african american author, african american authors, african american book, african american books, criticism, sex

The 14 Days After Q&A: How do I tell my husband Iâ€™m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

February 22, 2009 Joey Pinkney 2 Comments

My husband and I have been married for twelve years and have never cheated on the other. I am sexually frustrated and wish to add some spice to my marriage. How should I approach the subject without hurting my husband’s feelings?

Dedan Tolbert: It’s true that men can have very fragile egos when it comes to their sexual performance, so it’s good that you are cognizant of his feelings. The best advice I can give would be to suggest trying new things to your husband. Let him know what would turn you on as opposed to telling him what he’s doing wrong in the bedroom. If you take this approach, you’ll get what you want without hurting his ego and causing him to think that you’re unhappy.

Something else to keep in mind is that most men don’t need too much coercion to try new things. If he’s lost interest in sex, you might want to take a look at yourself to see if there’s something that you’re doing or not doing that’s caused him to take a step back…

Cassandra Washington: For you to be sexually frustrated, I’m assuming the sex has somewhat come to a complete halt in your relationship. The best approach is to just go for what you know, meaning, don’t talk about it, just be about it. One night, spice up the bedroom action by adding some racy lingerie, some fruit and wine, a little whip cream, kiss him like you are dying of hunger, caress him like you can’t live without his skin. Role play. Purr. Get on top!

Do something different to show him that you are down and ready to spice it up. Truthfully, your husband is probably already thinking the same thing. He probably wants to spice it up but thinks you may not want to go there. Go for it. If he reacts positively, good. If not, then you need to have “the talk”.

Big Boom: As long as you frustrated, you are hurting his feeling any way. A clear mind helps you to be more creative, lovable and sexual. Make sure he is not tired of you.

Tanya White: First, I would do a self evaluation as to why you are really frustrated sexually. Sex is more than physical. It is also emotional and spiritual. All 3 are interconnected into creating a healthy and fulfilling sex life.

Also, the fact that you stated in your first sentence that neither of you have ever cheated on the other sends a red flag that in the deep chambers of your mind you are seriously contemplating cheating as a means of sexually satisfaction. If so, then I strongly encourage you not to succumb to those urges.

Next, I would immediately carve out time to discuss your feelings with your husband. I encourage you to approach the issue delicately yet honestly. Use a lot of “I” statements instead of “you” statements. If the issue is not resolved, there is nothing wrong with seeking outside advice or counseling.

Sun 02-15-09 Do you have to be a freak to enjoy great sex?

Mon 02-16-09 Is sex overrated?

Tue 02-17-09 When should men draw the line in role playing?

Wed 02-18-09 Why do men really cheat?

Thu 02-19-09 Why do I date the same people over and over?

Fri 02-20-09 Why are men challenged by their perineal G-spot?

Sat 02-21-09 Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

Sun 02-22-09 How do I tell my husband I’m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

Mon 02-23-09 Would more racial boundaries break if more people dated interacially?

Tue 02-24-09 How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

Wed 02-25-09 How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?

Fri 02-27-09 I fell in love with my best friend’s wife. What should I do?

Sat 02-28-09 Each author gets a special question just for him or her.

This Post is Sponsored by:

Advertise with JoeyPinkney.com for just $20 (click here).

african american author, african american authors, african american book, african american books, criticism, love, sex

The 14 Days After Q&A: Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

February 21, 2009 Joey Pinkney 22 Comments

A thirty-year-old female friend of mine has been dating a man for three years. He has yet to propose marriage to her. I recently found out that the man is married! Do I tell my friend what I’ve learned and insist she dump the guy, or do I mind my own business?

Cassandra Washington: If she is truly a friend of yours, then you shouldn’t even have to ask. Of course you should tell her that information if you know the information is true! It is up to her whether she wants to accept it or not, but I wouldn’t sit on that truth, not at all.

No, it’s not your job to tell her to dump the guy. That’s a decision that she has to make on her own and live with. However, telling her what you found out is critical; she may very well indeed hate you for it today, but she’ll thank you for it tomorrow.

Big Boom: If you tell her, you could lose a friend. However, once she faces reality you could gain her back because she probably already know. Only reason she’d be mad at you is because now she mustÂ to do something about it.

Tanya White: I believe your friend already knows and has decided to pursue the relationship anyway. Think about it. You found out that he was married. It must not be hard for her to find out. As for insisting that she dump the guy, that only creates more tension. Healthy friendships are not ones of insistence but of unconditional love.

Dedan Tolbert: The first problem with this situation is that the man hasn’t proposed after three years. It doesn’t take a man that long to figure out if he wants to spend the rest of his life with someone. Women need to stop being so understanding when it comes to relationships.

Let your man know how you feel about your relationship. If it’s marriage that you want…tell him. If he’s not on board with that, you need to keep it moving. Too many women waste the best parts of their lives on men who don’t really want them.

As far as him being married, I would tell your friend what you know about the situation if I was in your shoes. I’m sure you would want a true friend to do the same for you. Never sell yourself short and settle for less than you truly want or deserve.

Sun 02-15-09 Do you have to be a freak to enjoy great sex?

Mon 02-16-09 Is sex overrated?

Tue 02-17-09 When should men draw the line in role playing?

Wed 02-18-09 Why do men really cheat?

Thu 02-19-09 Why do I date the same people over and over?

Fri 02-20-09 Why are men challenged by their perineal G-spot?

Sat 02-21-09 Do I tell my friend she’s dating a married man?

Sun 02-22-09 How do I tell my husband I’m sexually frustrated without hurting his feelings?

Mon 02-23-09 Would more racial boundaries break if more people dated interacially?

Tue 02-24-09 How do I cope with not trusting my girfriend after catching her with another woman?

Wed 02-25-09 How do I get my boyfriend of 8 yrs to understand my desire to marry him with losing him?

Thu 02-26-09 How do I cope with my boyfriend sending me mixed messages?